From the Archive: When Overwhelming Becomes a Way of Life

        Since I learned about the Grief Recovery Method – I’ve found myself looking up more words in the dictionary to see what they really mean. I’ve found that many times, they don’t mean what I thought they did – and – in fact – they make more sense when I really understand them better.

        Recently, I looked up the word overwhelmed – because with all that’s going on the world – and with all that appears to be staying on our emotional plates for the coming weeks and months – I hear a lot of people saying they feel overwhelmed.

        The first definition of overwhelmed I found is this – “very great in number, effect, or force. Used to describe something that is so confusing, difficult, etc., that you feel unable to do it.” BINGO! That’s it exactly these days, isn’t it?

        Great in number – the number of things that are burdening our hearts includes so many things – a worldwide pandemic, various requirements for “social distancing,” virtual school and meetings, businesses closed or struggling, hurricanes and massive forest fires, the very real possibility of not being able to gather for the fall and winter holidays, elderly parents sequestered in their living facilities without the ability to have visitors. And soon – there will be election day. And for half of us – there will be more grief when our candidate doesn’t win. That’s just a few that come quickly to mind. A great number to be sure. Any one of them would cause us grief – the normal and natural response to change or loss of any kind.

        Having a great effect or force – that’s true too isn’t it? And each one of these issues is also confusing and difficult. Wow – that’s it! The cumulative effects on each of us certainly has the ability to weigh us down. If you’re familiar with the “backpack” analogy we use in our Grief Recovery Method classes – that we carry our griefs – our losses – around in our little backpacks with each of them being like a stone, a rock or sometimes a boulder… until the straps on the backpack almost seem to break under the weight – then you get the picture. And in many of these circumstances – we may feel like we’re forced to carry these rocks in our backpacks… and what’s worse is that everyone we know has their own weighty backpack.

        Then I looked up the word “whelm.” If one can be overwhelmed – can one then be “just whelmed?” And indeed – that definition is “to submerge; engulf; to overcome utterly.” And that’s what it means to be whelmed… so imagine the overwhelming weight we’re carrying these days. And the common responses to things that overwhelm us – or frighten us – are to use inappropriate humor, to express anger or to isolate – or to use a combination of these to “deal with it all.”

        Why are we talking about this “overwhelming” situation in which we find ourselves? Because as each new loss – grief – comes our way, we will also see these behaviors in ourselves and others. Inappropriate or insensitive humor – making fun of someone who loses; anger at the process in general or the people supporting the “other” side; and isolation or not being able to get out of bed, leave the house or go to work. Not wanting to talk to friends and family members who supported the winners. Or – a combination of these behaviors. We may see these things in others. And if we’re honest, there’s a good chance we’ll see them in ourselves too – or we’ll be tempted to act them out in response to our own overwhelming circumstances – losses – grief.

        If this isn’t who you want to be – then I encourage you to use the Grief Recovery Method tools and skills to sort out all the things that take you beyond being whelmed into that overwhelmed space. The Grief Recovery Method is an evidence-based, action-oriented, time proven approach to first of all, identify the things we may have been using to try to carry that weight – that didn’t really work. Then the Method helps us sort out and name the things that may be overwhelming us. Sometimes just by naming them and giving voice to them in a nonjudgmental setting can relieve some of that weight – some of that grief. Finally, we learn to identify and deliver important emotional communications in an honest and safe way.

        The Grief Recovery Method is a simple, yet profound way to relieve the weight we carry – and to unload some of what overwhelms us – and maybe even some of the “just whelming” stuff too. To find a trained Grief Recovery Method Specialist in your area – or to connect with one of our Advanced Specialists to work with you in a live, online format, visit our website at www.griefrecoverymethod.com. And if you’d like to have a part in lifting the overwhelming weight from others in your community, visit that same website and consider becoming one of our Grief Recovery Method Specialists soon!